your-bespoke-psychopath:

Doctor Who AU || 4 times Doctor looked for River (and 4 times he miserably failed)

- Sir, what are you doing here?

- I went to visit you in Stormcage, but your cell was empty. I figured you decided to have some fun. And as we tend to have more fun together, I decided to look for you. Love you hair! You look very Pond-y now. And the place is smashing. I see that you put that lipstick of yours to good use.

- That’s so unkind of you! I’m just a poor widow and you-

- Ha, yes, in a way you are a widow. A black widow even! In a way, you killed me during our wedding. It’s kind of hot, to be honest. So. Where are we going now? Ny’huytha? It’s lovely this time of the year and- Wait. Wait. You are not River, are you. Now, that’s awkward. TARDIS must’ve messed up the coordinates again. Now. Don’t pay any attention to me, just proceed with your normal… activities. Did not mean to intrude. I am off now!

___

- Hi honey, I’m home! I love what you’ve done with the place. Although, it’s kind of… rustic. So. Boudica this time? I must admit that I’m a bit surprised. I mean, she rebelled against Romans. And do I need to remind you dear, that your father was a Roman? For 2000 years if I may add. That’s not something a good daughter would do… Wait, River, what are you doing with this sword? Take it away from my throat, okay? It’s not that I don’t like when you go all alpha woman on me, but I prefer when we use handcuffs and not big pointy things… River, it’s not funny anymore. River!

___

- River? I really hope it’s you this time. Let’s see… You’re in a hospital, and oh! You’re a doctor! A real doctor, a proper one, not a doctor of archaeology… I knew you had it bad for doctors. Well. For one doctor. Me, of course. So. No ‘hello sweetie’? No ‘hello dear husband’ kiss?

- … Robert, were there any escapes from psych ward today?

- I’ll check. Oh, and Lizzy? Do you really have it bad for doctors?

___

- Okay, this time I must be right! A museum - check! You’re… you’re an archaeologist - check! And you’re fiddling with Egyptian thingies! Reminiscing about our wedding, are you? And we cannot forget about that time when you dressed up as- Spoilers, I guess. But I think I need to find that dress and give it to you. Anyway - when are you? Shall we do diaries?

- Who are you? And how did you even get here, it’s staff only. And what on earth are you even talking about?

- You too? Just… Forget I was here. But really, how many doppelgängers can one person have?

alwaysgus:

Sweet dreams are made of these.

natalia5345:

“I thought I’d filed some things away, but it transpired…that I had failed.”

knowthatdarkisright:

“There is no task so great that it cannot be solved by categorisation.”